I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
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At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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