The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
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She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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