My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
