yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
