I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
