Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
