Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
