TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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