I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
