At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize