I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
