She said her name was "party"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
