i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
