I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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