I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
