i may or may not be watching the land before time
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
