its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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