Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
