We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
whose parrot is this?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
