I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
