My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
