just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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