she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
