don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
