your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
