she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize