I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Who died my cat blue again?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
