I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
