so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
