my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
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we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
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help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.