how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.