We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you win again, gameday.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
