I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
