i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
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Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
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Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual