Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
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Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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