so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
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In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...