Already got asked if we're dating
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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