just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
