she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
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He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
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I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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