u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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