he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
