She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
