take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I supernannyed him into submission
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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