It's like God shit irony all over that family
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
