I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
