Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
