Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
