She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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