question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
