i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
