You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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