is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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