I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize