She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
