trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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