i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
