this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize