I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
