me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
