Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Green mimosas i think yes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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