I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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