So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
