not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
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I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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