apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
