I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You took a bar mat shot.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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