I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
