id be glad to
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
