We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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