i think i have two assholes
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
