Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
