READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
