i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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