i just wanna soil my oats bro
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
