Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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