i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
