Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
