you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
