is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
