if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
